kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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