So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
