When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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