You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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