wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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