We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
