I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
