I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
