therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize