the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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