nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
