i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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