is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
