He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
