Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
