Where is the hickey?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
