dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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