Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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