Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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