...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
as a side note pls kill me
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
