Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
