So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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