A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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