She went from zero to smokin in five shots
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
