I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
