Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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