There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
there is glitter all over my balls
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