I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
