last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
