for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize