I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
