dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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