I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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