I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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