when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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