I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
