Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She said her name was "party"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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