i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
