Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The maid of honor just puked.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Randomize
