I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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