I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
