I smell stomach acid.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
