bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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