tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
