Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize