I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
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