I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
