stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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