Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
