making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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