do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
