Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
