one word: firstdatebathroomanal
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
