My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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