i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize