I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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