Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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