Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
