i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm too high and old for this...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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