So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
