Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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