So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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