so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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