Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This is the high leading the old right now
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
