i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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