Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
