You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
