i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
