just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
