If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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