watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
